I cannot make this matter to you I cannot
make me matter to you.
when you teach me martial arts
you have to tell me
to keep my arms up.
I always forget
to defend myself,
I take the blows and
"I feel unspeakably lonely. And I feel - drained. It is a blank state of mind and soul I cannot describe to you as I think it would not make any difference. Also it is a very private feeling I have - that of melting into a perpetual nervous breakdown. I am often questioning myself what I further want to do, who I further wish to be; which parts of me, exactly, are still functioning properly. No answers, darling. At all."
Anne Sexton, A Self-Portrait In Letters (via larmoyante)
"'I no longer wish to be loved childishly. I want to be loved with the strength and charm of maturity. I don’t want to be smothered by the fear of jealousy and insecurities. I don’t want a relationship based solely upon shutting the world out and locking each other in. I want to be somewhere where I can breathe. Where, even in the midst of a million people with a million heartbeats surrounding me, I can still know the sound or even play the tune, or nod my head to the rhythm of the one I call “home.” I want to call you home."
"Open a book this minute and start reading. Don’t move until you’ve reached page fifty. Until you’ve buried your thoughts in print. Cover yourself with words. Wash yourself away. Dissolve."
Stop reblogging that picture of me with a book, I’m getting really self conscious because that’s not even my ultimate cute level.
I wish I had thought more about that picture, it’s apparently going to be my legacy on this site.
Holy moly guys I am super tired today.
I slept really badly last night, pretty much just rolled around the whole night and was really disappointed when the alarm went off at 8.
I have a love/hate relationship with this particular state of over tiredness because while I am really tired and kind of just slow and weak in general, this state makes me soft, in a different sense of the word. Bad things roll off me easily, and little, happy things have bigger impacts. I feel like am more gentle and less volatile in terms of mood changes and such, and I stay in a state of quiet contentment even though I’m very sleepy.
Well anyway, today I have a lot of schoolwork to get done in order to really get back on track and feel caught up and okay again with school, so hopefully the tiredness doesn’t get in the way of that. Maybe the coffee I had with breakfast will help!
Hope you’re all well and well-rested or at least well-caffeinated. Have a great day!
"You’ve a place in my heart no one else ever could have."
F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Ice Palace (via mercurieux)
"The one thing we can never get enough of is love. And the one thing we never give enough of is love."